1. Good Enough
When we meet other people, do our feelings tell us and them that "You are good enough right now, right here"? If we feel that someone is not good enough, or if we don't accept a feature in ourselves, it shows. No matter how hard we try to hide what our feelings tell about another person, they come through. People are sensitive to feelings and subconscious messages. Meeting another person is for us always an occasion to listen, not just the other person, but ourselves. What is that uncomfortable feeling, fear, shame, or desire to make him do or say something? What is that feeling of joy, love and belonging? The more important another person is for us, the more he plays our old tapes and can lead us either to heal them or to learn how much we have healed.
Our feelings are our own, and they emerge from our backgrounds, expectations, wounds - within us. If we feel something, it is due to what we are. Do we feel something that says that someone is not good enough? Let it guide you deeper in yourself, towards freedom and healing. For each feeling there is always a reason, and often that reason is not in the present moment. Many times our happenings tell us more about ourselves than about the other person. Do we dare to listen? Every encountering is a situation where we deal with life. Life wants to lead us to freedom, without the baggage of old tapes and history. Our past experiences had their times and purposes, and if they have not been allowed to shape us according to their purposes, we still fight against them. This opposition stays with us until we surrender. Other people and matters of life remind us of unfinished lessons until we give in to them. If your encounters create opposition, remember that you are not opposing another person, but something in yourself. What is so dreadful that you don't allow yourself to face it? Dealing with it can push you into a short sorrow, agony, pain and terror - and to freedom. Running away or ignoring may feel easier in a moment, but it only attenuates the pain for a while. The only thing you need to do in a moment, is to accept that each feeling tells something about You Within. When you surrender to it, you are on life's side, going with its flow. Life communicates all the time. When you start listen, however weakly, you hear the master of all wisdom.
2. Rhythm of Life
Life is change. Days and nights come and go. People come and go. We laugh and we cry. We band together, belong for a while, and go away. Seasons change. Do we allow our mind to follow the rhythm of life? Are we opposing it, do we passively agree, or do we own it?
The rhythm of life is composed of many small variations and a few great ones. The small variations are no lesser chances to love ourselves than the great ones. I have begun to embrace the rhythm of life. Earlier my deodorant was a cheap basic one sold in every store, but it did its job well enough. I did not pay much attention to it. Something within me voiced that I don't deserve better, and I did not feel that the expensive fragrances were for me. Now I have two sets of cosmetics - not just deodorant, but shower gel, aftershave and fragrance - one for weekdays and the other for weekends. On Saturday, a soft fragrance reveals the beginning of a weekend and relaxes my whole being. On Monday morning, an energetic fragrance prepares me for the jobs of the week. And this all is just for myself. It feels good. I do it for myself, and not for other people. I enjoy the fragrances, and the changes in them according to the rhythm of life.
3. Freedom to Make Mistakes
A few days ago, while packing my suitcase at an airport, I dropped a bottle that broke into pieces. I laughed freely and joyfully of the funny accident, finished my packing as if nothing had happened, and started to search for someone to clean the mess. I could not find anyone, so I went in a shop, and asked whether the cashier could tell me where to find someone. She smiled friendly and made a phone call. A woman with a cleaning cart came, smiled friendly, and I showed her the bottle. After she had finished the cleaning, we smiled and nodded to each other. During the whole incident, I was completely at rest and I had fun. There was not a slightest embarrassment, I was not ashamed, and I was not afraid of the thoughts of other people. The whole incident was funny and it left a good memory. I appreciate my freedom and the humor of the incident. For me, it was a hallmark of growing into freedom. During the whole incident, I enjoyed myself and my feelings, especially due to the fact that it witnessed so much of my inner life. I am thankful for what happened.
4. Lessons of Love
Each letting go, each searching for a new direction, and each starting over are lessons of love. If they would not feel challenging or hurtful, we would not need to learn, but we would already master the lesson. Each lesson is also full of love of life, and a means of life to love us. They are gifts of God, manifestations of his goodness, although often we can recognize them as such only afterwards. We don't know love yet, but we see only a pale reflection of its grandiosity. Each lesson brings us closer to the real, clean and admirable love. We don't know yet why someone came into our life or left it, or why we came somewhere or left it. Through surrendering to what presently is, we learn tenderness, compassion, openness, trust, and strong yet sensitive love towards other people and ourselves. We learn to love ourselves even when it seems that no one else cares of us. At this very moment, each of us lives in a tender lesson of love, where Love itself is as close as it can be, and as close as it always has been and always will be. At times it means sad letting go of something that we thought as love, but which was not. It hurts, but it is touch of real Love, without which we could never find it. Stay where you are and let the hand of Love press you down, for it only wants to lift you up, into a new beginning, new freedom and new humanness. Love challenges our misconceptions of it. Without that, it would not be Love.
5. Everyone has his own story
Every person we meet has his own story. It is a tale of adventures, accomplishments and sorrows. It is a tale of finding, encountering, forsaking, and being forsaken. It is a tale of coping. Some have got by silently, and some have taken their share almost by force. Some have become silent onlookers, and some loud fighters. Some have lost their faith in the goodness of life, some have become bitter, and some are contended with everything. Some have not persevered, and have chosen to escape into something that gives them even short moments of forgetfulness. We may have done it, too.
We have our own story. It is a story of pain, of going through it, of surrendering to life, and of finding rest and hope. We don't have to fight against life anymore, but it embraces us. We managed. We did not become winners, but life won us. We may still be silent onlookers or loud talkers. We are exactly where we should be. Our story is a story of love. We are whole only when we respect our whole story as it is. We can be proud of it - not boasting of it, but in happy humility.
Let your story speak. As such, it is the best possible story of love, acceptance and goodness. Don't dramatise anything, don't belittle anything - it is beautiful as such. It is a story of humanness and a story of man - of you as a whole person. We don't tell our story by explaining it with words, but by being ourselves. Excess words are not needed. We tell our own story, a story of love and acceptance, by living it.
6. Trust yourself
Our best moments are often those that appear after surrendering and waiting. We have let go of something and searched for ourselves, and finally the universe gives us something that we have waited for a long time. It may not be exactly what we were looking for, but a different answer to our longing. Anyway it touches us deep within and we understand that it is the correct answer. It is not only what we were looking for, but much more, and it opens a path to new direction - to freedom.
Our greatest causes for disappointment, embitterment and enmity are often due to trusting other people more than ourselves. We have ignored ourselves and followed the advice and expectations of others, only to learn that what we received, was not for us. Let these circumstances affirm your trust in your own wisdom. Your own path can be completely different from the paths of others, but only it can satisfy the call of your heart. Your own path may cross a dark forest while others stay in the open, but only it leads to the other side, to unknown landscapes. If it is where your heart leads you to, it is your path. You can not fulfil the longing of your heart by giving it something else, or by giving it something fake or something less. Its desire is authentic, real and pure. It does not rush to find something incomplete, but it can wait to acquire something complete and perfect. Trust that your heart never desires anything it can not get. Your heart is a wellspring of life, given by life, in perfect harmony with life. It knows where your life comes from. Trust your heart, and do not listen to the hearts of others, since they are for them. Your heart is for you.
Real joy comes from within. It is something in our relationship with ourselves and life, and shows that we have become more deeply rooted in our place. Other people may be present, but even then the experience is the same: we have found something for ourselves. A part of it may be giving other people something just for them, but even then our joy comes from finding our own giving. It emerges inside, not outside.
Other people can not give us this deep joy. They may have some effect on it, but it is our heart that conceives it. It is a gift of our heart, given to us when we have listened to it and followed it. It is a consequence of our relationship and first-hand experience with Life. It is the speech of Life when it welcomes us in its treasure chamber, in a room reserved just for us. At times, life may guide us along difficult paths to a hidden chamber nobody has seen, to wrap us with unique glittering jewels. We know the way, we know all dangers we met and survived, and we know that our treasure is worth of everything. It is a jewel we can wear with our finest dress - and with T-shirt and jeans. It remains not only in our heart, but is revealed to everyone. We will experience the silent happiness of owning the Great secrets of life. They are magnificent jewels that we can let glitter in appropriate circumstances - and they always match with our personality, since they were made especially for us.
8. Our Power
If someone tries to lure us into his systems using shame, guilt or anger, we don't have to react. We can recognise a dysfunctional system and merely let it be. We don't have to fight against it, since then we are already reacting to it. We have subconsciously swallowed the hook and are reacting to another's feeling with the same feeling or with an opposing feeling awakened by it. But it is enough that we recognise an attempt of control. Our power does not come from fighting against someone else's system, but from the skill of avoiding the hook.
Our power is not power to fight, but power not to fight. It does not drain us or anyone else. We don't have to react to all attempts with which other people try to make us function according to their rules. Their attempts can merely go down the drain, and we don't even have to let them see that we noticed them. Owning our power means that we also know when it is not necessary to use it. A warrior carrying his sword in a scabbard is still a warrior. He rests in the knowledge that he is able to use his sword when needed. No one wants to employ a warrior who flails around in the air, but a warrior who knows what is necessary and what is not.
9. We don't have to wait
We don't have to wait for life to happen. All that is good for us, will come to us, even when we don't anxiously wait for it. We may have great hopes and dreams, and we may look forward for something or someone. Restless waiting does not make it appear any sooner. Our restlessness does not help the world to go any faster, but it prevents us from living this day fully. Restlessness may call us to trust life and our Higher Power - to trust that he gives us what we long for, or something better - according to his schedule. Anxious waiting can be a sign that we have fixed our identity or happiness to external issues - outside ourselves. Restlessness calls us to rest, to let go, and to receive our life exactly as it is at this very moment.
Restlessness and waiting are sometimes caused by feelings we would not want to feel. We may be afraid of losing something or someone, but we direct our fear to waiting. We may be afraid of the sorrow of loss, and we hope that something would happen, that even a slight sparkle of hope would remain. We may be afraid of taking risks, and we hope that someone else would take risks on our behalf.
Let your anxiety melt away. Life lets everything to happen according to its schedule. The result may be what we anticipated, something that causes us sorrow, or something that surpasses our expectations. Restlessness does not change it. Facing our restlessness in this moment leads us to our feelings already when the result is unknown. Then, whatever the result, we are prepared. Often, restlessness makes us stiff and narrows our vision, so that we see only one door, the opening of which we long for. It prevents us from being spontaneous and from stepping through a different door. It prevents us from receiving life. It is often a sign that we are trying to control issues that are not within our power. Listen to your own restlessness and determine, whether the issues are within your power or within someone else's power. If they are yours to change, do what you can or decide to wait in peace, but if they are not, you can only let go and life your own life. We don't become equipped for life by focusing on waiting. We become equipped by living our life in the present moment, each day.
10. We don't have to try so much
Each of us has his own space and place, even if we did not try to fill it so fervently. It is not necessary to gain acceptance and recognition of everyone, or to plan our gestures and words so accurately. Excess trying merely draws our attention to ourselves. It prevents us from seeing and hearing other people - not only the words they say, but their hearts. Trying prevents others from seeing our hearts, too.
Often, the motivation for trying is the fear of making mistakes, or the fear of not being good enough if we don't constantly make every effort to please others. In that case we can never find people who like us the way we are. Such people exist. Besides, one of the most hated characteristics in anyone is pretending. If they see a genuine person, even an imperfect one who makes mistakes, they can have confidence in what they see. Trying can be seen, and genuineness can be seen. When other people see our acceptance of ourselves as imperfect and failing human beings, they receive our permission to be such. Authentic, restful belonging is the product of trying less. A part of it is the permission to try when we are afraid, anxious or feeling shame. If we try to be perfect according to any definition, we have not acknowledged ourselves and human beings and fully human. Maybe we were not allowed to be such. Now we can mess, flail around, make mistakes and correct them. We can grow and learn about life. We can learn to know ourselves, our limitations and strengths. Our place in life will not disappear when we are ourselves.
11. We are not pawns in somebody else's game
We may be a tool in the plans of many people. Already before our birth we belonged in them. Our birth might have been an expected and cherished event or an unfavorable event. Our parents may have looked forward to our birth or their plans may have been ruined at the moment of pregnancy. We may have been born as expected or not so expected. As a child we often succeeded in spoiling good plans of others, which our parents communicated us very clearly.
We are real individuals and not pawns in a game played by someone else. We may have some tasks prepared by others, and we can not always choose our work or the circumstances of our work. But everything else is our own. We have permission to be individuals and human beings. We feel our feelings, and they are always proper for us. Our sorrows and joys are our own. We react as ourselves, and no one else is allowed to define our reactions. Other people may wish to gain of our strengths, and we are free to choose to whom we give them. But some people may try to gain of our strengths by taking advantage of our weaknesses. Instead of understanding our weaknesses and helping us to mature, they use them to persuade us to participate in their games, without asking for our help openly and honestly. They may not be prepared or willing to hear our possible negative answer. In that case we are merely a pawn in their game. This we don't have to tolerate. We are free to be free, and to retain our individual humanness. But we retain it in ways that preserve the value of other people as free individuals.
We can be submissive and eager to serve other people whenever it feels right for us. But we choose it ourselves. Participating in a game, where rules are unknown to us, and where our weaknesses are used to control us, only hurts us. In such a game, we are losers. Our plans come true in freedom, and then we always win. If you feel that you are being controlled, you are in the danger of losing, not only the game, but your heart. It is a sign that shows that you are not valued. But it can be also a sign that you do not value yourself and your freedom. The more we learn to value ourselves, the sooner we quit such systems into freedom of our own plans. At times, we can choose to stay, and merely ignore the attempts of controlling us. By being free, even in a game, we can bring love into places and systems that hunger for love.
12. Child in Disguise
Even when we have healed ourselves for a long time, there will sometimes be times when we react out of the age of our wounded little child. We may look like adults, but his feelings are the feelings of a four-year old. There can be situations in which his fears and terrors surface, or times when he wants to sit on the lap of his mother or father. He may lead us to search for the hug we never received, or for the only tender touch of mother or father that we still remember. We may feel overwhelming fear of abandonment or desperate need of affection.
We can learn to recognize those moments and let them come. There is nothing we can do to the feelings within, and it would be wrong to try to do something to them. We have to let them happen. Only by accepting them and recognizing them as they are, can we take their power away. They may urge us to do something or to avoid something, but it is not necessary to follow that urge. We don't need to. We can acknowledge the aches of the four-year old and let his feelings come into our awareness. He helps us to heal, but he does not insist that we should react to his feelings. Instead, he hopes that we would assure him that he is safe. We may hurt ourselves if we search for affection like a four-year old. We might find ourselves in situations where our adult would not want to be.
It is only us, as adults, who can soothe our inner child right, with trust, love and acceptance. But it requires that we dare to feel his feelings and respond to them softly, assertively, with tolerance - as caring adults, concealing the eyes of a four-year old who peeks at the world within us. Other people can help us along the way, but only by loving the adult that we now are. They can give us love that makes our inner child feel safe even when he thinks he is responsible for running our life. If your inner child feels something that surprises you, don't tell him to be quiet, and don't be ashamed of him. Let him be a child, and even if you occasionally give your power to him, don't blame him. Just assure him that whatever he does, you are his protection, since that is what you are. You are his shelter, since you know him like no one else does. And he knows you like no one else does.
We respect people by respecting their boundaries, or by acting towards them as they expect. No matter how much we wish to "do good" to someone, we can not act beyond his will. But we can respect him only by respecting ourselves, which means not to exceed the limits that we feel right for ourselves. If someone does not respect himself, he may try to persuade us to behave in ways that are harmful for him or for ourselves. Respect sets the limits.
Only by respecting ourselves as lovable persons who deserve good and who deserve to be treated with respect, we can respect others. Compulsive behaviors nearly always include attributes of disrespecting oneself and harming oneself. They may help someone to forget pain and grief for a while, but in the long run they only increase pain and cause harm. Sometimes respecting someone may make him angry with us, because we don't "help" him to continue harmful life. But we can trust our own heart. We don't have to explain why we do something, or why we don't do something, but we can be quiet only when we respect ourselves and our heart. We deserve the best, and others deserve the best. Everyone is a child of God and is searching for his fulfillment of his life. Respect permits them to find their paths themselves, and strengthens our trust in our own path.
14. What is normal?
We may have grown in an environment, in which nothing was normal. We did something, and the feedback we received was always different and inconsistent, according to whatever our parents were currently feeling. The only thing that was normal, was unpredictability. As adults, we are often still guessing at things that other people consider normal issues of life. Other people may be able to distinguish between different levels of intimacy, but we may have difficulties in perceiving them. We may strive towards intimacy when it is not appropriate, or we may not let others come close when it would be enjoyable for all.
In every place and in every environment there are people who wish to be close to us and people who wish to stay further away. Some would like to be our friends also at work or in our hobbies. Others would want to take advantage of us, and we may not know which is which. We are used to accommodate to everything and to all kinds of appeals. We can introduce in our relationships the abnormality of our home, where we learned to relate to others. Workplace is another home, also in the sense that there we can unconsciously mirror distorted relationships to our mother, father, or our sisters and brothers. At times, these relationships are loaded with the role models we saw, and with the feelings of our home. We may give other people too much power over our lives, and we may let them guide the relationship without owning our power. Someone may relate to us through his own unhealed wounds.
Every relationship is a lesson and an opportunity to grow. Yet, at times we lose our opportunities by resorting to the old "if only" thinking. If only I could do so... If only he said so... If only I could convince him of... If only I could do this right... Every "if only" is a sign that we do not dare to face ourselves. We may think that we don't dare to face someone else, but the truth is that we are afraid of facing something within ourselves. Facing it may hurt, and it may reveal that we are not what we all the time wished to be. But if we are afraid of it, we have never been what we thought we were. It was only our desire to be something else; it was only an "if". It is fit to be laid aside, and when it has gone, it will reveal a person of rest, someone who does not need to say "if only", because what remains in us, is restfully true and enduring.
15. I can find my own teacher
We may have told ourselves that we will never be like our father, our mother, or someone else in our childhood or youth. We had no heroes, or if we had, they were distant figures who we respected and were afraid of. Something in them was great and admirable. They also paid attention to us. How we looked forward meeting them, being nervous even at the thought of hearing their voice! But when we grew up, we left them behind. In our life there was no one close to us, who would have been a model of an admirable human being.
Now, as, adults, we can search for our own heroes and heroines, people of character, dreams and passion. We can admit that we need someone as an example of what we wish to be when we "grow up". We need a guide who understands our willingness to learn even when we fight against it, or when we try and fail one more time. If he does not understand, we may have to admit that we don't want to be like him. In order to learn, we need safe circumstances, and we need to trust that we don't have to please in order to be accepted.
At times, we can learn by following someone at a distance, but in that case, life is not transferred from one person to another. Instead, we use our own judgment in relation to what we see and hear when other people are interacting with each other. But in all these situations we must remember, that we see only one episode. The whole storyline could be different from the impression of one episode. If we find our own hero/heroine, we see the development of the whole story from the very start. Then, we probably have much more to admire and learn than we ever thought. Real heroes also desire to co-create heroes and winners out of other people. But they all have their shortcomings, too. Heroes are heroes with their shortcomings, and it is what makes them real human beings. They do not pretend to be more than they are, and in their eyes, we don't have to fake ourselves. Besides, real heroes see the yet unseen hero within us, since they know that everyone of us is a hero, a hero of life.
16. Talking with my inner child
Here are two conversations with my inner child. According to Capachione, the adult writes with the right hand and the child with the left hand.
Child: Listen to me and cry with me. Be my shelter. Don't laugh at me. Stay close to me. Let me be. Let me be. Let me be. Let me just be quiet.
Adult: Why do you wish only to be?
Child: Because everything is so slow. When nothing happens, I don't want to happen either. I want to be. I want to become.
Adult: What do you wish to become?
Child: I want to grow big and tall. I wish to be strong, but I am not. I am small and weak. Help me. Be my hero. Why did you write 'hero'? Be my papa. Be my bosom. Be my warm hand. Be my biceps. Now I am quiet. Don't disturb me. Let me be.
Adult: I let you be. You can sleep on my lap as long as you wish.
Adult: Who are you?
Child: I am brilliant.
Adult: I think you are brilliant, too.
Child: I like you.
Adult: I like you, too. I love you.
Child: I love you plenty very much.
Adult: I love you very much, too.
Child: I love much, too.
Adult: What do you love much?
Child: I love all kinds of people. They are fine.
Adult: I think all people are fine, too.
Child: I like you.
Adult: I am so glad for you. Do you feel good?
Child: I don't know. I search for you. Don't go away.
Adult: I won't go away. I am here with you.
Child: Will you be my shelter?
Adult: I will always be your shelter.
Child: I feel good. You are nice. I rest under your eyes. It is safe for me. I admire you. You are a funny man and that is why I like you. Be quiet with me as I play and sing. Listen to my song, since it is a song about happiness. It is a song about genuineness.
As a child, I was often invisible and absent. Even when present, I behaved in ways that kept me invisible. I quietly played my own plays and concentrated on my own affairs. In our family we did not talk much, and the times we shared with each other were spent in dealing with practical issues of life. We did not play together, and especially we did not laugh or make noise. We were quiet and serious. We did not know how others were doing, and we did not even know how we ourselves were doing. For us, this was normal, and life was supposed to be lived this way.
As adult, I often resorted to invisibility. My fundamental thinking was that I don't want to disturb others. It became a model of life for me. Children of alcoholics often think that they are different from others and that they are a burden to others. We learned that life is serious, since our parents were always serious and troubled by worries. Playing requires frolic and letting go of everyday life. In our home, we did not dare to do so, since everyone dreaded that life would break down if we were something else but serious. When other children were fooling in their games, we felt something choking us back. We participated, but not wholeheartedly.
Now nothing in our life breaks down if we launch into a moment. Our serious thoughts do not uphold our life. The events of life occur in the same way if we are serious or if we monkey for a moment. The only thing that prevents us from larking around, is our inner voice saying, "if you start fooling around, something terrible is going to happen and you will be punished". Playfulness seems to be heavy, but it is not that playing is heavy. Our inner child is still scared, thinking that if we start fooling, someone is going to blame us and show us the law and order. But no such person exists. We don't have to be quiet and invisible anymore. We merely are so sensitive to the judgement of other people, especially when we make noise. If someone just scowls at us, we feel guilty and stay in line. Let those situations be moments of returning to the serious atmosphere of your home, and moments of admitting that your parents were too serious. But do not force yourself to make noise, since that would hurt your inner child. Invent ways of play that fit for you. Take a bath, jump around the house, participate in singing, go shouting in a match, prepare a delicious Sunday breakfast or play with children. Learn to lark around and to make noise, but do so safely. First of all, escape the routines of everyday life - just for yourself.
18. Children of alcoholics lie much
Children of alcoholics have learned to lie - or not exactly to lie, but to please others. For us, the truth - especially in minor issues - is far less important than letting someone hear what he likes, what he expects to hear, and especially letting him hear something that he can not use to blame us. In our home, the issues of life were described in many ways, but only seldom they were told as they were. Our parents gave explanations for our mother or father not appearing at workplace, or for forgetting to take care of an issue. We listened, and we knew that the facts were different. But we noticed that many issues can be tidied with dishonesty. At times it can be used to gain appreciation of other people, and what could be more enchanting than that.
Our father or mother promised to take us fishing, to circus, or to build a model aeroplane with us. But something always got in the way. The promises were delayed and delayed, until they finally dissolved. Many times, we knew that the explanations were not true. But we desperately wanted to trust them, expecting that one day, dad would come and build the model plane with us - even for a while. We were afraid of believing the truth, and felt safer to believe in issues we knew were not true. Often, we still think the same way, and we think that other people think the same way. We think that they would rather see an illusion than the truth. But it is not so. Some, like children of other alcoholics, greet these lies with satisfaction, since they are afraid of the truth, too. But most people don't.
Most of our lies are so insignificant, that they have no practical meaning to anyone. They are merely efforts to please others. Did you understand? They are efforts to please others with lies. When you notice that you lied, don't be afraid of the lie, unless it is not a trifle. But be afraid of the deep-seated desire to please. Let lying lead you to freedom. Through your own lies, get to know how you have been taught to please others in ways that prevent you from being close to them. You can not be close to a person you lie to - and we did not want to be too close to our mother or father. We hoped that they would have been close to us, yet wanting to keep them at a distance. When you lie, look at yourself without blaming, and feel the sad impression of your childhood home, in which lies were an essential part. Feel the helplessness that you felt as a child. It is not needed anymore. Let your lies lead you to the people-pleaser within and to weep him away. Our lies teach us much about ourselves, which is good.
19. Present with another person
When we are at rest and in the present moment, we can really listen to another person - not just his issues, but the person itself. Over and over again, I am astonished at the richness of the messages that people send to each other every single moment. When we experience no need to protect ourselves against the present moment or another person, we don't have to concentrate on ourselves, and all of our attention can rest on the other person. We notice how some words appear effortlessly, other as if they were fumbling or forced out. We notice the gentle movements of their eyes and faces, and the fluctuations in their voice. We also notice, whether they are fully present, or if their thoughts or feelings are somewhere else or with someone else. We detect, if they came to meet us just for our sake, to busily take care of business, driven by their bad feelings, or because they merely wanted to be with someone.
Many people create a space around themselves, as if pushing something away from them. They rule their immediate proximity, and decide what is allowed to enter it or leave it. They may have a very fixed view of reality, and if something does not match it, they don't even pay attention to it, or reject it and despise it. They don't care about it, and if our message belongs in this area, we don't experience being heard - being wondered at most. I know only few people who seem to attract reality. They are present in every situation and eager to learn. When they interact with other people, they don't need to set limits on what can enter their awareness, but they seem to attract everything instead. They tune in to another person almost at once. Being with them feels light and easy.
When we are fully present, all of our encounters with others become rich. A rich flow of messages runs through us all the time - about the other person and us. After such an encounter, we feel that we learned something about the other person - not just about his issues, but himself. We also notice that we learned something about ourselves as human beings. We remember such encounters clearly and with good feelings, even when they dealt with heavy issues. Good memories are due to the fact that we dealt with something real, and not merely with different issues and opinions of different people. It was not a meeting of two world-views, but a meeting of two souls, transmitting life and caring. We did not deal with issues; we dealt with another soul.
20. Our talents
We all have our attractive talents and gifts. We may be aware of some of them, while some of them we may willingly keep hidden. Our parents may have considered some of them negative, because they thought that they disturbed their lives. Some people around us may not appreciate what we are doing or what we would like to start doing. They may criticise them, or just fail to notice them and shrug their shoulders at issues that thrill us. We may be used to give up easily and to yield to the boring and to the ordinary.
Something in our hearts may attract us towards the unknown. It may be a timid thought that we are afraid of even daydreaming of. It may be something we dream secretly, imagining ourselves as great, wonderful and admirable. Let it silently appear, hesitant and searching at first. You don't have to talk about it. Many dreams of our inner child are weak at first, and we don't have to face much criticism to lock them deep inside us. Stay quiet. The voice of fate is often loud, while the voice of mission is in the beginning always weak. When mission begins to articulate, it first speaks with a question mark. But mission is not allowed to start speaking, what remains is the voice of fate - repeating what we already know. During our healing, we have let go of our past, and before us stands the future - our mission. It can be anything, but if it originates from the desire of your heart, it is not too modest or too challenging for you. If your heart urges you, side with it. Make a small start. Buy something that reminds you of your dream, go somewhere, or do something. But don't plan too much. We are used to live with ambitious plans that never came true. Just start moving and do something simple, secretly and alone. Then you follow the whisper of your heart and not the voices of others. If it is your mission, it will gain strength in silence. in the course of time it becomes stronger and find its own character - a character of the Life of your own.
I had my dream, something I always wanted to do, but I had no courage. Something in me resisted and said, "you can not do it". When I began to heal, everything seemed to disappear at first, but then life began to open. Now I am at the dawn of my dream, feeling that I do what my heart wants me to do. But I donít yet want to let too many people know about it. If my dream is real, it will come true when the time is right. My dream is for myself and for my heart, and for winning admiration due to my works. And I don't know where my dream will lead me. I live my life as my dream fumbles on, and I have granted it freedom to go as it feels right.
copyright Healing Eagle 2004
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